Bumpersticker Deep Thoughts
Here are some grating clichés and over-used words and phrases I sometimes come upon on my journeys across the interwebs.
"Thinking outside the box."
- Sorry, but if you say that, you're still in the box and not going anywhere anytime soon.
- Pro tip: Don't use this word in an argument with your wife.
"Freedom isn't free."
- No, but it takes credit cards.
"Follow your passion."
- Sir, do you want fries with that?
"Guns don't kill people. People kill people..."
- ...using guns, and lots of them, with high-capacity magazines.
"Check your privilege!"
- And...end of discussion.
"Speak your truth."
- You don't have one, and never did, and never will, and that is the truth.
"The climate always changes."
- And the sun always shines, the wind always blows, fire always burns, and deniers gonna deny.
"The lesser of two evils."
- ...is still evil. Choose again.
"Plants have feelings too."
- No, they don't, smart ass, now wipe that smirk off your face!
"Make America great again."
- Dog whistle for white nostalgia hearkening back to a time that never existed except for straight white Christian men.
- Thinking you're more enlightened than the masses because you read an interesting article on some dire social issue and then tweeted about it while drinking your pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks. (see also Taking the Red Pill below, which is pretty much the same thing but for white kids who can't get girlfriends)
"Live life with no regrets."
- A motto for sociopaths.
"True change is from within."
- So is inertia, habit, boredom, sadness, and...do you get my point?
"Taking the red pill."
- ...will leave you intellectually constipated (i.e. full of shit). Everyone takes the blue pill in the end. Now get off Reddit and go play some Xbox, Alpha Dog!
"It is what it is."
- People who say this should carry around a little white flag to wave in the air. In any case, we should all carry around little white flags.
"With all due respect, sir..."
- Brace for impact...
"At the end of the day..."
- ...is another day.
"Do a deep dive."
- And say goodbye to getting anything productive done at work today.
"Life isn't fair."
- Usually said to evade empathy by those who refuse to check their privilege.
And...end of discussion.