I hope when I go
I don't look back
at all that came before
at all the wins and losses
at all the loves and hates
and all the boredom
so much goddamn boredom
peppered with moments of quiet joy
like trudging through snow
in starry December
or holding my baby boy up
to the Arizona sky
and thinking to myself
amazing, amazing, amazing
or panting in lust
in the back seat of my '78 T-bird
with a girl,
my very first girl
etched forever in my memory
feeling so alive
so fucking alive
and feeling the orgasm of it all
and all and all and all
so much of it all
then
and again
I danced
and sang
and wept
in ecstasy
at the time, the time, the time
so much time yet never enough
give me more and more and more
for it goes so fast and faster
'till I realized
one somber day
that it won't always be so
that nothing lasts forever
and time's a bitch thief.
I hope when I go
I go with a smile
and forget the orgasm of it all
that came before
and stare forward into the flame
of evermore
and the quiet empty
neither blinking in dismay
nor weeping in regret
at those days gone by
for they ain't ever coming back
my friends
with all the laughs
and glories
and shits
and giggles
as the years blur by
and the body crumbles
I'll let it go
and shuffle forward
with a stoic shrug
and a weary smile
just know
I had a helluva run.
----
Paris, France
August 2020